The Compassionate Outsider

                                    The Compassionate Outsider

“Fill your mind with compassion” – Buddha   

 Sometimes being compassionate is the hardest thing that one can do. I was raised in a family that is like most American families…rather negative. I was not raised to be compassionate to others or even animals.

I used to long for an older brother. I have no siblings at all, but now in my thirties when I look back at it I am glad I don’t have any siblings. Not that I got what I wanted or all the attention, the opposite really, but that I don’t know how likely a boy would have been able to turn out as opposite of my parents as I did. I was born in a small town in Texas and lived there until I was about seven when we moved to the Austin area.

When I was in elementary in Austin my parents had me in religious private schools until fifth grade when I finally went back to public schools. The little private schools I went to were nice enough; I did like how small the class sizes were, but you did not get exposed to the diversity of the cultures around you like you do in a large cities public school system. The various places we lived while I was in private school were ‘normal working people’ apartments and homes, very different than most of my peers, causing me to always feel like the outsider at the 99% all white schools and more ‘at home’ with the mixed religions, ethnicity, and nationalities we lived around.

When I did go back to public school in fifth grade I was still the outsider because I was the weird girl who kept to her self and had been going to religious schools all this time. Eventually a few of the kids who were outsiders also showed compassion and befriended me.

The first to do this was a first generation Mexican-American girl.

I went over to her house once and was rather shocked in the differences between it and mine. I was only fifth grade at the time so I didn’t know much about ‘energies’ and all the things I do know so I could never have described it at the time if asked. Now I would describe their home as having a ‘lighter’ energy even though the house was loud and full of kids and the parents.

The family actually paid attention to each other. The TV was on but was just background noise-no one was watching it. The kids were playing together or talking to the father (who had only been home from work for a few minutes) or helping the mom cook supper.

Completely different from my home where someone was always glued to the TV – either my mom and her soaps or my dad and his religion and news- and no one talks to anyone.

The next two years in public school helped continue to mold me into a compassionate open minded individual. I was friends with people of every color, ethnicity, religion, nationality, and disability.

One of my closest friends during this time was a girl who had been severely injured in a car wreck as a baby and had been disabled due to it. Many of the ‘privileged’ kids would tease and harass her just to see her cry. I believe I first spoke to her when someone was teasing her as she went from her locker to her next class. The girls teased her about the injuries that were still evident after all that time and had her near tears within seconds of starting their heartless relentless harassment. I spoke up for her, not knowing her at all, and told them off. That was my first time being truly compassionate and standing up for the rights of others.

From then on I have been the advocate of my friends, the one to stand up for the ‘underdog’ and the hated, I have been the one to stand up for animals and the environment in an area that that is unheard of. Sadly in seventh grade we moved back to that small town where the people were and still are largely not compassionate. I have had a child since then and I try daily to instill in him the importance of being compassionate and nonjudgmental, but not a door mat either. It can be a lonely road being the activist and advocate…the lone compassionate outsider…but it’s worth it.