You Can't Be A Good Parent & Be Selfish

You Can't Be A Good Parent & Be Selfish

One of the hardest things to come to terms with and learn to do is NOT be selfish once you become a parent. Once you find out you have a baby on the way the days of “I want” “me” and so on are over for at least eighteen years (more if you have more than one kid). If you are a woman and pregnant your body is no longer your own rather you are sharing it with this little person depending on you to protect it from everything, even yourself if you are selfish. I'm sure some of you are calling me every name in the book because you buy into the extreme form of feminism that says a baby is a parasite until it's born and a woman has every right to drink, do tobacco products, do dope, have casual sex, or whatever she wants EVEN when pregnant. Well to that I say you can X out now and go about your day or keep reading and hopefully learn how NOT to be a self centered bitch, your choice.

Okay now that's dealt with let me continue. I can honestly understand a first time parent, especially a young one, having a hard time at first learning to put their child's health, happiness, well being, and needs above their own. What I cannot grasp is why someone with two, three, four, five, etc kids haven't managed to put their kids above themselves. I'm not going to name names but I know FIVE “mothers” (I use that loosely) that have three or more living children that either (a) lost custody of all of them (b) lost custody of all but the youngest one (c) had kids back before Texas CPS would do their job and take kids from neglectful or abusive houses 90% of the time. These females are some of the worse “parents” (again used loosely) I have ever had the displeasure of knowing or knowing of. Until I met these females I hadn't ever thought or heard of “deadbeat mothers” but these females fit the bill! How can a person, especially a female, manage to be SO selfish he / she not only neglects and or abuses his/her babies but allows the kids to get abused? Worse yet when these same females also smoked, drank, did drugs, and had casual sex with multiple partners while pregnant!!! Not just one time slip up or before she knew she was pregnant, nah multiple times in all of their pregnancies. It honestly blows my mind that a mother could do such a thing to her unborn child.

As in many states the kids have to be in the custody of the parent being awarded custody, be safer with said parent, and a list of other things for the judge to award custody to that parent. It's very usual, not unheard of but rare, that the courts award a father custody of the kids and not at all typical for the court to award an abuser custody of kids in child custody cases. Three of these females claim that the courts 'stole' their kids from them and put the kids with their now ex-husband that was abusive. I've been in an abusive marriage and there is (a) no way in HELL I would have left my child with him for even a moment much less long enough for him to convince a judge that I had abandoned my child or a danger to my kids. Both of which these 'mothers' claimed happened. I just have a hard time buying into a parent leaving their family in the hands of an “abuser” then claim they were wronged by the courts because the courts didn't believe them when they claimed in court that their now ex-spouse is mean, violent, abusive, etc. If your spouse is abusive you DON'T leave your kids behind because he/she WILL use them against you and likely harm them to get back at you. That happened not long ago to a little four year old boy in North Texas. His dad killed him to get back at his mom who had left him and was awarded custody of the boy in the child custody case. The man had a history of being an abuser.

One of these females I know lost custody of her oldest kids when she abandoned them with her husband when she left him. The court ruled he was the safer, more stable, better able to provide for them financially and physically, and gave him full custody and she could only have supervised visitation with them. She told me about all this not long after we met, leaving out the full details. (I honestly want to get a hold of that court order and get the full 411) In the years I have known her I have never known her to spend Christmas with her eldest kids, bought them school clothes or supplies, hasn't seen them on Mother's Day nor over the summer, all by her choice. I know she's seen one of them for the child's birthday ONCE. She posted it to Facebook and tried to make herself look like the best mommy in the world. I hate fake liars like that. She hasn't gone back to court to try and get her kids or more time with them. Hell she rarely works. Rather in the years I have known her she has had two more kids with two different guys, shacks up with the youngest one's father who hates the oldest of these two new kids, she doesn't work, and she has sent her older of these two youngest one away to live with it's father because her current boyfriend (remember this is the youngest one's father) doesn't like her and said it was him or the kid. I think the fact she choice a douche-bag over her own CHILD says enough about her. Needless to say she's someone I used to know and differently not someone I would consider a friend. I can't imagine how rejected and unloved that baby feels. It's disgusting. It's unthinkable to me that a mother could ever choose a lover over her own flesh and blood. Talk about selfish! She just taught that child that what mommy WANTS is more important than what her five year old child NEEDS. That mommy's lover is more important than her child. Wow. Just wow. The other females I used as examples earlier any better. Three of them lost their kids to CPS because they rather do dope and shack up with dope dealers then get clean and sober and be moms. None of these females work, none of them see their kids (by their own choice), they are all still strung up, and they all still play the victim to anyone that will believe them rather than owning up to their mistakes. Talk about selfish.

A good parent stops acting like a selfish kid. A good parent is clean and sober. A good parent doesn't smoke in the car or house (aka in enclosed spaces) with their kids. A good parent doesn't abandon their kids EVER. A good parent gives their kids consistency, stability, love, and eighteen years and nine months of being the center of their parents lives to ensure they grow up to be a healthy, stable, well adjusted adult. Once your youngest kid is eighteen years old that is when you get to start focusing on YOU and YOUR wants, needs, and desires again, NOT before. It's really not that hard to be a good parent if you can just manage to be loyal, clean, sober, and SELF LESS in your relationship with your child.